Tuesday, 29 April 2008

I Want My Mommy

Now how do you, or more specifically I, answer that desire?

When my lovely wife died, I always knew that the hardest part would not be the immediate, but would be the time that my young son actually started to grieve for his mother.

Samantha will always be part of our lives, and I've been mindful to include her in them, through pictures, stories and even bed-time kisses.

It's a balance that I don't want to overplay, as one of my many concerns is to be too heavy with the mommy info, to have it bore or confuse our child.

I've always told Max that his mother is part of him, and that he keeps her in his heart. That way I thought I could eventually get him to grasp that his mother will always be part of his life, regardless of the fact that he won't ever get to know her.

Over more recent times Max has been extra quizzical, and in part more observant of other 'more-normal' family units around him.

He's asked more questions about his mom, and has quizzed me on who my mommy is, and what my relationship was with his mother.

Then this morning it came for an un-ignorable second time: - "I want my mommy."

I tried the - I know you do son, she's part of you isn't she.

I asked him where she was and he said "She's in my heart, but she never comes out does she dad?"

Which I think is a cross between not quite yet understanding my sentiment and his desire to have a mommy. But I'm sure he'll eventually understand what I mean, I just hope he finds this a comfort.

This is going to be a long and heartbreaking situation to watch my son go through.

I hope that one day he'll understand that his mom does come out of him, in his personality, all that he does and all that he achieves.

She gave him the best possible start in life and absolutley fabulous stock.

For now I'll just have to work harder on my 'You're like a mommy, daddy' inducing antics.