Saturday, 21 June 2008

The Longest Day Of The Year

On this date, five years ago, I, or we, were getting spliced.

I can still remember that day vividly, or the bits I was sober for anyway.

My beautiful bride had meticulously planned every last detail of our picture-perfect white wedding.

It was a time in my life where my opinion was valued and listened to, but most definitely not final.

Probably for the best, as the service and celebrations were truly wonderful.

I had a huge feeling of awakening throughout that weekend. Feeling really alive and, I suppose, complete.

In truth it was probably mixed with some feeling of relief and reassurance. Part of me still couldn’t believe that a woman as marvellous as Sam had really chosen to marry me.

As tragic as my wife’s early passing was, I still, and I believe will always, feel blessed that I even met Samantha, let alone that we spent five years together, two of them blissfully married.

Anniversaries since her death have really been no more difficult for me, than days that didn’t commemorate anything.

I’ve not really got the significance, and I also can’t recall a day when I haven't thought about Sam, so I really don’t need any reminders.

Others have found her birthday, or the actual anniversary of her passing difficult, but I suppose my pragmatic approach doesn’t add any extra consequence.

Basically, it smarts everyday, some more, some less, but the pain will always be around.

But hopefully, so will the happy memories, and an amazing little wonder who goes by the name of Max.

You can never feel too sorry for yourself when he’s around, no matter the date, event or day of the week. Share/Save/Bookmark


Xbox4NappyRash said...

Very sad.

You handle it immeasurably better than I could.

I simply can't imagine.

All my best.

Penelope said...

There are no words are there?
I am so glad that you have your little man with you always.
*Hugs* today :o)

Single Parent Dad said...

Thank you both, your comments are appreciated.

Kori said...

My best friend died three years ago, at age 33; she left a husband and four children, ages 7, 6, and not quite two year old twins. I recently visited him and he said, "It still sucks, it just sometimes sucks less." Pretty well sums it up, I think.

Single Parent Dad said...

Thanks Kori, I think your widower friend is right. Good and bad days, regardless of time or new circumstance.

Roads said...

Thank you for this post, and for the link, Ian.

Your wedding photograph is wonderful - you didn't say before that you'd married a film star, but with your smile it's clear that you knew you'd found one.

I had often wondered what happened, and now I know. That doesn't make it any less shocking.

The longest day. I'm sure that's true.

All best wishes, and spirits up.

Single Parent Dad said...

Thank you Roads, and I'm happy to share. There's links to other stories from my own website.

She would have loved being called a movie star, and, as it happens, some of her wedding shots were used by various publications for adverts and stock photos. That went down well, as did the fact thay I was excluded from all the photos used!

Crash Course Widow said...

We seem to be on somewhat similar timelines. From what I could gather of the BBC Black Country article, did Sam die around June 2005? (I haven't gone back far enough in your archives to find the definitive answer.) My husband died in July 2005, and we'd also been married (less than) two years. Our daughter was also a baby and will never know him.

I agree that our anniversary isn't really a bad trigger date anymore. It's no different or worse than other days--indeed it often seems to be a better day than most in grief, because I make a point to do nice or special things for myself or with our daughter.

Glad to hear I'm not the only one who's not set off by our anniversary. Although we'll see what I think when I hit what would have been our 5th anniversary in December. There's something about the more "major" round numbers that might get to me this time. We'll see....

Looking forward to reading more and seeing how Max is similar (or not) to my Anna, who turns 4 in the beginning of September. And I must say, it's a hoot to read your Britishisms. Especially as I come from the far west coast of the US (oops, I mean, America). =)

Single Parent Dad said...

Hi again CCW, Samantha died right at the beginning of August 2005, the 2nd to be precise. It will be the third anniversary of her death on Saturday.

But as we've both pointed out, anniversaries are just another day, I don't need reminders.

Max was seven months old, he'll turn four just before Christmas. Not sure how he'll perceive or know his mom, but he'll know she loved him, that he completed and was the most important thing in her life. Even more important than chocolate and hand bags, that was some achievement, not sure I ever managed that!

And what do you reckon, do I need to find space for some wickedawesomes or what?

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