Friday, 8 August 2008

Big Boys Don't Cry

I’m a dab hand at blarting.

Thing is I’ve had quite a lot of practice over the last three years.

And I wasn’t adverse to it before, if the situation warranted it.

Personally I’m pretty proud of my ability to show my emotions this way. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like a cry baby, but I’m also not fond of the emotionally stunted.

Since Samantha’s death, my moments, whilst always erratic, have become more infrequent.

I guess I’m learning to deal with them better, and I will take myself out of situations, or replace tears with a good, and wholesome, deep-breath.

Generally I now have more of an issue when people are nice to me, my son, or both of us.

Most people like getting compliments, some go out of their way to get them. I’ve always liked getting them but have always felt a little uneasy when they come, a little embarrassed sometimes.

My emotions are heightened when people are nice, and genuine applause or praise gets me gasping for that good air.

Even more so now when people I respect compliment my son, and/or my influence on him.

It has happened a couple of times recently.

Firstly we had some visitors over from America. They are effectively Sam’s Great Auntie and Uncle, who hadn’t been to this country since our wedding in 2003.

It was quite emotional to see them full stop, but after spending some quality time with Max and I, they had some very nice things to say to both of us.

I doubt there was much air left in the room.

Then after Max’s recent trek out with some of the nice people of our village, we saw the two moms that took him out today.

It was at our now weekly, summer holiday Friday coffee morning.

“You must be very proud of your Son,” they tentatively stated.

Which of course I am.

“He’s a credit to you, we wish ours were like him. Listened to what we said, and didn’t make a fuss about anything. He’s welcome with us any time.”

Wow, I’m just glad they had the windows open. Share/Save/Bookmark


Kori said...

I think a lot of times it is harder to handle people being kind than it is to be left alone-which is why it is so easy to isaolate and stop taking part in living. You are doing a great job, and of course he is a credit to you. But it is always embarrassing, a little, to hear those things. Just say thanks-that's about all you CAN do!

Single Parent Dad said...

I agree Kori, except I couldn't even say thank you. It was enough just to breathe.

Tismee2 said...

Reading that I felt a bit of a blart coming on too! You and Max obviously have a very strong bond tied together with an invisible thread of love from Samantha.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Special moments.

You've good reason to be proud of both of you it seems.

Single Parent Dad said...

We do Tismee, we are best mates.

It was a special moment Xbox. I guess it is for others to judge if we have a right to be proud.

Penelope said...

Well done both of you!
My philosophy has always been that I'll put up with a lot at home if they just behave and don't show me up outside the house. I'm lucky that it seems to have worked for the past 14 years and there is nothing like being told you're doing *it* right. Excellent!

Single Parent Dad said...

Thanks Penelope and agreed. I can remember discussing impending parenthood with my good wife. We both came to the same conclusion, that our children's behaviour outside of the house must be good enough for us to take them anywhere. I hope I've implemented that very principle.

TW said...

I think you are doing an absolutely brilliant job so keep being proud.

It's always lovely when others notice and compliment you on your children. A bit of validation for all the hard work.

Single Parent Dad said...

Cheers TW. It's better to get them than not.

Working mum said...

Yes, people being nice to me makes me crumple, too!

All things considered though, it is better to crumple at nice comments than to be ignored, isn't it?

Single Parent Dad said...

Agreed Working Mom. Much better than the tears induced by the all-knowing looks you get when your child throws a wobbly in public.

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