Monday, 1 September 2008

And The Little One Said Roll Over

A king-sized bed can be a lonely place for a widower.

If that bed also happens to be the bed that was once the marital pit, and one that bore the only fruit of those vows, it can add a bit of bite to the feeling of being on your tod.

I type that, and as I read it back it sounds sadder than it actually is.

True, when I first lost Samantha the worst time of the day was definitely those hours of darkness.

Darkness being every sense of the word.

Back then, no matter how tired I was I didn’t look forward to hitting the pillow, because sleep was far from inevitable.

Immediately after I was widowed I would actually take Max to bed with me for comfort, and for easier night-time feeding and general baby-maintenance.

I know co-sleeping with your children can split opinion.

I’ve heard from both advocates and knockers of this practice.

I guess I’m somewhere in the middle.

There’s a time and a place for it.

Definitely if your child is ill and it comforts them.

Maybe if they wander across the landing when you’re too tired to carry them back.

Anytime early doors, if they get up and fancy a snuggle.

And add the odd ad hoc situation too that.

During our recent caravan holiday, I chose to share a double bed and bedroom with my son, rather than get out the put-up bed in the lounge.

My thinking was he is now old enough to appreciate this is not the norm, just the situation this week or for those few days.

Though I’m told he did roll out of said bed, when I’d come home early, asking for his dad.

He can be a bit of a poor bed-sharer; his mom would say he gets that from me.

He’s like a rash - all over you.

Touching, lying on you, kicking, snoring and generally being a bit of a nuisance.

All that typed; at times it’s a great comfort to have him there, asleep, beside me.

I love the fact that both of us seek comfort in one another, although one is a rather unwitting comforter.

But it’s not a regular occurrence that I hear those little steps in a doze, and sometimes I do just carry him back to bed, if I feel it is getting closer to the status quo.

Long may I be able to strike that balance.

Well long enough until he is repulsed by the idea of sharing his dad’s bed anyhow.


Trooper Thorn said...

Been a while since I visited your blog; glad I popped around again. Since my wife left more than 2 years ago, the only people I have shared a bed with have been my kids. Usually out of necessity, due to cramped living quarters, but sometimes because they do need a little extra assurance that the universe is not thoroughly unpredictable.

Nighttime can be lonely for everyone sometimes, both dads and maxs.

Violet said...

I don't see a problem with co-sleeping, unless it gets in the way of "couple" time. So long as you're a single dad it won't be an issue, eh?

Working mum said...

I think you've got the balance just right.

Single Parent Dad said...

Welcome back Trooper Thorn, and cheers for your comments. Please to know I'm not on my own, well I am, but you know what I mean!

Absolutely Violet, but if Britney Spears decided to take up residency I might be a tad stricter.

Cheers Working Mum,I hope you are right.

Kori said...

I became a co-sleeper more out of necessity than any deeply held beliefs-but then I fell in love with it. But it isn't really co-sleeping anymore-O. sometimes gets up and needs me, and he finds me. That's it. Since I don't have a partner, it wouldn't interefere with my "couple time," and even when I HAD a partner, that was just how things were; baby comes first. Enjoy it now-my 9 year old slwpt with me until age 5, on and off, and now it would appall him! :) You are doing great.

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