Thursday, 16 October 2008

Happy Birthday Wifey

On Tuesday, had she still been with us, my lovely wife, Max’s devoted mother, Samantha, would have been 34.

Anniversaries since my wife’s passing have been a bit awkward.

Not in the sense people might expect either.

I remember being told the first set of anniversaries would be difficult, the worst to get through. I only sort-of agree.

They probably are the most difficult in the fact that those particular days are closer to the death you are being affected by, but not in the sense that those days are any more significant than the day before or the day after, just because you happen to have been born, married, or, in fact, widowed on that particular date.

It probably means I’m not ‘normal’ in that I don’t make a big deal out of these so-called dates of significance.

I miss Samantha everyday, not anymore on her birthday or our wedding day.

More-so on new days, Max’s first words, steps or even when he is just good for a nano-second, is when I miss her most.

This year, as much by chance than planning, I actually celebrated her birthday by having a proper ‘me’ day.

I knew the day was going to be a good one, as just before we left the house to drop Junior off at nursery, I asked if he’d checked on his fish.

“Why Daddy? He can’t get out, those sides are hard,” he enthused matter-of-factly.

When I’d stopped laughing, I pointed out that I was more concerned that we hadn’t fed him for a couple of days – he only has one at the minute – and that he might be hungry.

But, I much prefer my boy’s thinking.

After dropping him I laid flowers at Samantha’s grave. Lilies, a collective favourite, and not always easy to get this time of year.

I got two bunches, the other is for the house, I like to take the square edges off our butch place.

Then I treated myself to breakfast.

An early cinema showing was next.

Simon Pegg’s latest offering,I enjoyed it, and had an occasional laugh.

Sadly it was then time for a little tidying, and the small matter of the lad’s unnessary, yet necessary injection.

He was brilliant, although understandably reluctant. The nurse was so impressed she went and fetched a chocolate from somewhere, and with my Spiderman candy sticks, he was probably happy to go through the ordeal just for them.

Next it was off to grandma and granddad’s for tea and stowage.

My best friends had scored some tickets for an Oasis concert, and generously offered me one.

I’m not a huge fan, but thought why not, and it only ended up costing me a round of drinks and sharing platter thingy.

The folks were happy to look after grandchild numero uno, and I was happy to let them.

Midweek stuff is never easy, as I like to stick to the routine, but I allowed myself this exception. And to be fair the actual routine was barely interrupted, just a temporary location and personel change.

I enjoyed the concert, had a few beers and a good laugh with people I don’t get to see often enough.

It meant for a bit of a saw head in the morning, and I did try to type this last night, that was a waste of time.

Enjoying yourself seems such hard work as a 31-year-old.

But that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop trying.


Kori said...

I am glad to hear about your "me" evening; even if it does mean a change in routine, it does everyone good to shek it up a little.

T said...

You go! Dad's need "me" time too. I'm happy you enjoyed yourself!

Can I say Happy Birthday Samantha?

It sounds like she is still with you both.

BusyDad said...

As long as you had an extra beer or two for her. Cheers to the happy memories of you and your wife!

single mom seeking said...

You are such an amazing dad. Your son is incredibly blessed to have you.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

It takes something special to be so 'forward facing' on days like that.

You should be proud.

Penelope said...

Dammit you are 31?! I thought you were older! Not that you look it...I'll shut up about that...
I think you have an incredible attitude. You are right to miss Samantha every day and not just on "anniversaries" and I don't mean that in a maudlin way. I'm very glad you had a happy day :o)

Single Parent Dad said...

Kori - I agree, and I shall be at it again tomorrow night!

T - She is, and yes, you can.

Busydad - Like always. And Thanks.

Single Mom Seeking - Thank you. Can you email him the next time we fall out?

Xbox - People have always said I'm 'special'.

Penelope - Wise beyond my years, or do I just look ropey in my photos?

Mama Nabi said...

Happy belated "me" day!

harassedmomsramblings said...

Your me day sounds cool! And a very special way to celebrate her birthday ;)

Julia HH said...

Ian, I think you are doing such a great job as a Dad and you have an incredibly mature attitude for a 31 year old. If I may lecture a bit as your senior at 32 :) I think that having LOTS of "ME time" is so so important. I didn't believe that in the first year and a half after my husband died, and all I did was work, chores and looking after the our baby. But I suddenly rediscovered life again. And it is such great fun that I cannot get enough of it. So, if routines get broken a bit or you spend a little less time with your child and a little more with your mates, it is OK, it is good and it is great progress!

So, I am wishing you fun and lots of it. You truly deserve it! Hope you don't mind me saying it!

Single Parent Dad said...

Thanks Mama Nabi and Harrassedmom.

Julia HH - Thanks for your comment and advice. I bow to your years!

Snickollet said...

Glad you had a day for you.

Like you, I find that I don't miss John any more on the anniversary days, but on the days when the kids do something special or I get recognized at work or what have you . . . things I wish he could be here to see. But then again, I never have been one for b-day celebrations and all that.

Single Parent Dad said...

Snick - I'm not much of a birthday person, though I did used to enjoy celebrating Sam's birthday. And this year I did in a way.

KristinRanae said...

You are so inspiring! I love how you turned a potentially "sad" day into a "me" day. I'll try and remember that.

I lost my dad 6 months ago. I know that is different than losing your significant other...but I know how it feels to feel "empty" and like something is missing. I was a daddy's girl so I'm having a difficult time with his passing.

The "firsts" seem to be the hardest. I DREAD the holidays that are approaching. I'm gonna keep in mind how you handle it though....make it special anyway!

Single Parent Dad said...

Thanks Kristin, I'm just doing what I'm comfortable with, if that's inspiring then brilliant. And if you can use it, that is even better.

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