Tuesday, 13 January 2009

It Is All A Load Of Cack

My sensitivity to gross bodily functions has virtually disappeared.

I remember being told that would be the case, a by-product of parenting, supposedly.

Meconium is an instant, and quite dramatic, introduction to this.

Black tar coming out your first born’s anus, is not pretty, not that anything ever coming out of their back-end is, but this stuff is particularly awful.

Does not smell as bad as it should, but the very sight of it is enough to tickle at many a gag-reflex.

It does not get much better, and the colour and consistency of stuff coming out of either end of your child, varies terribly.

I remember getting texted pictures of my son’s produce, immediately gagging and hoping that it meant he was empty for my impending shift at the wheel.

Then there is sick. Vomit. Throw up.

Whatever you want to call it, it won’t make it attractive.

The smell of it is absolutely horrible, and it stings your eyes, both figuratively and actually.

I know because, when I stupidly played throw-your-kid-about, just-after-feeding-them – which is not a brilliant pursuit – the inevitable happened.

And instead of rushing to my aid, my darling wife, rushed for her camera phone.

Bless her.

As my child has grown, the vulgar-ness of his undesired output has increased.

Not deliberately I add, but because his diet changes and gets more elaborate as time goes on.

They also need more comforting when they are being ill. Or I choose to give him more comfort.

Like if he is being sick, while I will try and get him to project his projectiling toward an appropriate receptacle, sometimes I have to take a hit for the team.

Vile.

But I barely notice.

It just is not important anymore.

The whole getting them to crap and urinate in something other than their pants, is a completely different level.

We are through that, but not without the odd error of judgement.

And today, when scrubbing cack from little-accident-laden-undergarments in our downstairs toilet, before I put them into the wash, I had to have a little chuckle at my life, and how I have changed.

I am a laugher not a cryer.

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7 comments:

Zoeyjane said...

I'm pretty sure I never expected to read that type of detail about puke and poop on your blog. I'm just...gagging. Seems it's grosser, when it's not your own kid's.

Kori said...

I can't help but laugh, rather hysterically. TRy it after four, when you get so innured to the sight and smell of all the baove that you simply learn to throw a towel over the puke spot and go back to sleep, or throw the underwear away.

SciFi Dad said...

There is nothing worse than the smell of toddler puke. NOTHING.

Mama Nabi said...

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Why??? At least I wasn't eating...

I did not want to remember when LN came down with norovirus and was throwing up continuously for 3 days. It was... yeah, what your photo said.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Nooooo, is that really puke on your face? Yuck. You're right though, stuff that comes from my kids is fine. Now other peoples kids...

Xbox4NappyRash said...

that picture....my tea...

Single Parent Dad said...

Zoeyjane - I just had a grossed out moment and had to share.

Kori - No. Thank. You.

SciFi Dad - It would be an idiot that tried to prove that wrong.

Mama Nabi - My sincere apologies.

Jo Beaufoix - Oh yes, that, right there, is baby vomit.

Xbox - That picture, Max's tea.

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