Thursday, 4 June 2009

I've Got a Mommy Today

For those of you that read this last week, do not worry, hopefully this post will not go the same way, and not have another good old heave on your heart strings.

After nursery today, like many other days, my son was off with one of his chums for extended play and dinner at their house.

It is something that happens reasonably regularly, and we have friends back here too. Like this week, we shall have eaten, as a pair, only once out of the five working days.

Despite this my son gets terribly excited about his post nursery exploits, and spends quite a lot of the day discussing them, and bragging I suppose. I know this as the nursery staff always say they know who is coming to ours for dinner, or where Max is headed to.

If he is being picked up by someone else, I have to let them know, and deal in passwords if it is someone unknown to them.

And if the child he is going home with is at nursery too that day, I think they are encouraged to talk about it, and what they might get up to.

So today, when his friend was asked if he was excited about my son going back to his house, he replied in the affirmative, and explained that his mommy was picking them both up. This prompted my boy into action, apparently, and he followed with;

“Yes, I have a mommy today.”

I think it stopped everyone for a moment.

But not for long.

I think his, or our, situation is good for everyone else immediately around us. They get to share in the life of someone not enjoying the benefits of two parents, one taken in the most permanent of ways. And I hope it makes them appreciate what they have, while they have it, and in some way, sets them up to deal with any grieving situation in the future.

I know Max’s mother gets used a lot when relatives, or even pets, of children around him pass away.

‘Like Max’s mom’.

I have not really thought about this as a benefit for others before now, but I am convinced it is the case.

The particular mommy in question today, like many of the parents, is one I have a good relationship with, and she was talking in such ways tonight when I went to pick him up.

Taking as many positives out of any situation is what it is all about for me. And I am delighted others around us do too, rather than just feeling sad for us, and ultimately, themselves.

I know, and appreciate that people will, I just take great comfort in that not being the only thing they feel, and take from us.



notasoccermom said...

My children also did a lot of 'extended stays' at friends houses after school. It is a great way to get to know not only who your children and even teens are with, but also the parents and home atmosphere.
Although they may see your unique circumstances as pity sometimes, they may also jusst 'relate' to it much in the way you take from watching how the mommys cope with chores, baking and other things that are not accustomed to 'your' circumstance.
We all learn from watching.

rosiescribble said...

Ian, you are right, people need to be themselves and it sounds like you both have some great and supportive friends around you. That's why Max is doing so well. It's tough as a single parent and I am often aware there is a parent missing. It's a tough one and a loss for the child no matter what the circumstances of the separation are.

Kori said...

I have bee nreading but you constantly blow me away and I simply have nothing to add. Nothing. And that, my friend, is a good thing, I think. Because really, what trite effing words are going to make any difference? you are doing a great job with a shitty hand, just like the rest of us. Well done!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

I think if everyone listed what they 'got' from you and Max, you would pretty surprised.

SciFi Dad said...

You know, it hadn't occurred to me that your wife's death would be a good reference point for Max's peers. Pretty remarkable, I must say.

Also, him saying he had a Mommy today may have made it a little dusty over here tonight.

A Modern Mother said...

I've said this before but Max is so lucky to have you, and you him.

Coding Mamma (Tasha) said...

I'm very impressed with the social life you manage to give him. I hope we can manage even half as good one some day.

There's an award for you over at mine.

Zoeyjane said...

I remember saying the same kind of thing when I was young and going to play with friends who had moms.

I think that you have an amazingly positive outlook. I'm applauding it, really I am.

Chairman Bill said...

What is a mommy? Is it, perchance a mummy?

Kat said...

My heart fell out of my chest. I had to put the computer back down and regroup. I am just glad that that he has a positive experience and that people don't treat him as "the boy who doesn't have a mom". Although it is a reference point, I don't think it should define him.

clareybabble said...

What a great post - really made me think. It sounds like you are both very lucky to have each other, and to have such a positive outlook is admirable x

Single Parent Dad said...

Notasoccermom - Agreed. It is a two-way street. But I've always just seen it from our point of view in the past.

Rosie - We do. I think in our case, with it being definite, it is 'easier' to explain.

Kori - Right back at you Kori. And thank you.

Xbox - Maybe. (Hope you don't me like VD etc).

SciFi Dad - Nor me, until now.

A Modern Mother - Indeed.

Coding Mamma - I do concentrate a lot of energy on it. But also have less to co-ordinate.

Zoeyjane - I really appreciate that.

Chairman Bill - No, we leave them in Egypt.

Kat - Me too.

Clarybabble - See, I let other people do the thinking for me.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Oh what a little star. It definitely makes people stop and think about their own situation, but lovely XBox is right. We get so much more from you and Max.

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