Friday, 3 December 2010

Favourite conversations of the week

In the car on the way to a swimming lesson

The boy: “Dad, is Cheryl Cole real?”

Me: “Eh?”

The boy: “Is Cheryl Cole real?”

Me: “Errm, well she does spend a lot of time in my imagination, but yes, she is real.”

The boy: “Is Simon Cowell real?”

Me: “Yes, Simon Cowell is real?”

The boy: “So is everyone from the X Factor real?”

Me: “I know it’s difficult to believe son, but yes, those people are all certified human beings.”

A decent pause.

The boy: “Is Barry Chuckle real?”

On the way home from school

The boy: “Dad, did you know that Father Christmas isn’t real?”

Me: “No, what makes you think that?”

The boy, all-matter-of factly: “He isn’t real.”

Me: “Who delivers all the presents then?”

The boy: “Jesus Christ.”

Me: “What? You mean to tell me, on the night before his birthday, bearing in mind he is getting on a bit now, Jesus H Christ delivers presents to children all over the world?”

The boy: “Yes, he must do. Because Father Christmas isn’t real.”

A decent pause.

The boy: “Daddy, does Jesus Christ like mince pies?”