Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Upgrading my child

Can you remember when your child first walked?

When they first uttered a recognisable sound?

The time that nappies became a thing of the past?

Children are born with little more than the ability to breath and make noise.  

They control very little else.

My best mate, after my son was born, would periodically ask me: “Has Max got any upgrades yet?”

To which I would detail the extent of any of my son’s recent personal developments.

I did likewise after the respective births of my chum’s children.

We added a comical edge (albeit massively limited to the you-really-had-to-be-there kind) but there was a great sense of warmth at the developments of our respective children.

And on a practical level their progress meant we were afforded more time, and a bit more freedom, for other things.

Then I discovered the first upgrade that was actually useful to me personally, rather than just meaning I needed to do fewer things for my son.

My boy’s ability to go and fetch things.

He was the cutest puppy ever.

All I can think of at this point, is the image of Homer Simpson on a hammock shouting: “Beer me, Lisa.”

He has grown steadily more useful as time has gone on, but there are a few more upgrades I am looking forward to him having.

I’d say washing my car on his own, but as it’s a rugged battered old Land Rover Defender, the ability to colour match and re-spray may be more useful.

When he can safely operate the lawn mower I shall be smiling, I am not a huge fan of that job. 

Him taking a bath or a shower completely without me, and not mistaking the bathroom floor as some sort of flat bucket.  Myself and the water board will both be pleased.

Getting himself to school.  I do still love our little walks to and from school, and they’ll be part of me that will of course miss them.  But the day he becomes safe – and too ashamed to have me at his side – will overall be a good one.

But the number one thing I am looking forward to him doing for me some time in the future is……..

To make a piping hot cup of tea.

When do you think that could be?

And shouldn’t this really be covered during antenatal classes?

He’s seven, and I don’t really think I should be letting him loose on our Breville One Cup just yet.

But the thought of him being able to bring me a quality cup of tea is a thing of great beauty, one I am sure I won’t be disappointed by.

So, how about you lot, do you have your own little teas maids? Or are there any other things I could train him to do?

Seeing as my monkey butler is on permanent back order with Amazon.